persecutetioncomplex | Noctium Inbox

...What's your favorite, Ashe?

[It's easier to focus on that than the tight warmth in her chest.]

Mint, or angelica tea. I have some more of the latter, but I'm less worried now that I can actually grow it myself.

You liked the fruit blends, didn't you?

I do, but mint is calming. I have some, if you'd like it. And, uh, s-some chocolate cookies, maybe?

I certainly wouldn't mind having both mint and cookies.

Thank you, Bernadetta. Is there anything I can do?

You've done plenty already. Just, um, get comfortable while I set things up.

[She gestures to the couch, with its handmade blankets and pillows, and ducks into the kitchen area to start plating and brewing.]

All right, but call for me if change your mind.

[Not that Bernadetta can't manage on her own, but Ashe can't help but be eager to assist. Picking himself up, Ashe goes to sit on the couch, but he does pause to look at the blankets and pillows.

They don't look like they're from around here. Really, the work makes him think that maybe they really are handmade. Did she make these too?

She really is so talented. Does Bernadetta not see that? How is that possible?]

[She sees it, certainly, but it's all too easy for the doubts and second thoughts to creep in, along old channels cut by harsh words, years ago. Surely she's being too full of herself. Surely she's getting ahead of herself. Surely they're just treating her gently, sparing her feelings. Surely, surely, surely.

She manages to brew the tea and plate up the cookies without any of that, though, and ferries them out so she can settle down next to him.]

There we go: tea for two. Not, uh, not quite the Professor's usual spread, from what I remember, but... still pretty good, right?

[Ashe smiles at her fondly.] Of course it is.

[He can't help but feel warm about it, inside and out. Bernadetta is so sweet and kind, so skilled, and he's glad to even just have this: tea for two with delicious looking cookies. As for said cookie, he takes a bite.]

Oh, these cookies are great! Did you make them?

I did, yes.

[She takes a bite of cookie and sips her tea, letting the flavors mingle for a moment.]

I'm, I'm glad you like them. The cocoa here is... it's just so rich, don't you think?

I really do think so. Cocoa was a bit expensive no matter where you went in Fodlan, but here it's so affordable and so good.

You're a really talented person, Bernadetta. [He will tell her! Surely nothing will go wrong with that.]

I know! It's so cheap. Half the time I have to remind myself I don't need to make it stretch, and the other half I have to stop myself from putting it in everything.

[Surely not.

...except she squeaks and goes red, immediately.]

I-I, uh, I wouldn't go that far. I just, um. I-I try my best.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm so used to having to shop smart that I end up having more money left over here than I would have back home.

[She really is just so pretty, even with a blush. Ashe can't help but smile warmly at her.]

Well, I suppose you don't have to agree, but I really do think you're amazing. Your writing was wonderful to read, and your cooking is really tasty. And... if I'm not mistaken, you made some of these blankets, right?

You're doing your best, and I see that. It's really paid off.

I—

[Her gaze darts around, and she half hides behind her teacup, and... and she can only think he's so nice, and he's charmingly handsome, and he likes everything she's shown him so far, no exceptions, and surely he must be being extra nice, except...

Except, she's pretty sure he's being honest, and. Well. That's just.

What does she even do with that?!]

Y... I-I don't, um. I. Wh... why are you so...?!

I hope that's not too much. It's just... I think it's nice to be recognized when you're good at something. I remember being so impressed with Dedue's cooking that he made me feel like an amateur! And every time I'd see Leonie or Ignatz practicing their archery, I thought I couldn't compare. [Sure that might have a lot to do with Ashe's self-esteem problems but we don't have time to unpack that right now.]

I guess what I'm saying is that you deserve to be recognized for the hard work. And I'm really happy you let me see that part of you.

I... I d-don't get it at all!

[Clack, goes her cup, safely on the coffee table so she can whip around and pin him with an accusing finger to the chest, leaning in close. Her cheeks are scarlet, now, and puffed slightly in equal parts bashfulness and suspicion.]

You... you're way too nice! You come, and, and you show me what I was, what I hoped for the most, and you smile with your cute freckles like, like I'm important, a-and, you bat those pretty eyes and you tell me you l-like e-everything, and I'm! I'm just... i-it's just... me.

It's... always just me. Why... why are you that h-happy?

[Uh-oh, did he go too far...? Maybe he did...!]

...You think they're cute? And my eyes are pretty?

[Wait, don't focus on that! Ashe's face goes beet red and he gets back to the important part!]

I guess it's because being around you does make me happy. I mean, a bit sad too. Mostly because I feel like I should have tried harder to know you back in Fodlan. But that's okay, because we have the chance for that now. And... every moment so far has been great. Even when I'm just messaging you at night about our books, I... I get really happy, Bernadetta.

[Claude is so lucky. Does he know that? Goddess, he hopes Claude does.]

I—

[SHIT.]

S-So what if, if I do! Th-they are!

[But!! More importantly, somehow, he just... keeps going! More and more praise, more and more sweet words, enough to make her blood fizzle and her thoughts muddle, and—and she just can't take it, she has to make him stop, her heart is beating so hard it almost hurts, so she does the first thing she can think of to shut him up.

She presses her mouth to his, and her brain immediately screeches at her in protest. Her body, ever so helpful, freezes up like that.]

[For a moment, Ashe short circuits. Out of all the things that could happen, he certainly wasn't expecting a kiss. Her lips are so soft and she's so pretty and warm, she tastes a bit like the tea and the cookies--

Wait. But aren't Bernadetta and Claude... courting?

Oh. Oh dear. Should he stop her?!

He swallows nervously and very gently pulls back, but finds he's unable to do more than a few inches.]

B-Bernadetta...

[His heart is pounding so hard. He wouldn't mind, and he does very much like her, but--]

I-- aren't you and Claude...?

[She stares at him, just as taken aback by her own impulse and gumption, but, oh, this is—she knew Khalid was going to apologize, but, uh, apparently this hadn't been part of it. She swallows dryly, carefully shelving the screaming certainty that she's ruined everything, forever, like always, in order to give him some approximation of a full answer.]

We, we are? Um. But. There's. H-He, uh, doesn't... believe in, um, m-monogamy? So, we're. So. S-So, um, there's. Room.

[Room for what, Bernie?!]

Room for...

[Ashe trails off, slowly putting it all together like puzzle pieces.]

You can just-- do that?

[It honestly just has never occurred to him.]

I... W-Well, I mean, Adrestian Emperors generally do? And. Well. H-He only, um, talked about... multiple wives in the uh, l-legal system s-sense, but, um, we're not. That is. Uh, he.

[It wasn't put out explicitly but he'd... been alright with what she did with Linhardt and Dimitri, and Dimitri again.]

He's... o-okay with me, um. Having... room. Too.

Edited 2021-04-01 15:52 (UTC)

Okay, but...

[More importantly, he asks:] Are you okay with it? I think... I care most about that. I do really like you, Bernadetta.

I... don't know what you mean?

[Her brown knits in confusion, and her hands wring one another with a bit more force.]

O-Okay with it... how?

I just mean... are you okay with a relationship like that? Being able to see other people? I'm not asking to judge, I just want to make sure you're happy with it too. That part matters the most.

Linhardt... says intimacy isn't, um, isn't necessarily something that needs to be constrained. And... and Kha... Claude, he... wasn't mad at me, for... for wanting other people. Or, um. Whwhat the... what the powder helped happen, with... other people. And. I.

[She takes a shaky breath.]

I'm... I'm never going to, to be able to be with anyone for as long as I want to. So... so, for as long as I can, I... I want to, um, I... want to be happy? And... and make people happy.

[That's not quite answering his question, but it's as close as she can manage, coherently.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject