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[persecutetioncomplex]

« bernie » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Bernadetta von Varley ✦ FE3H
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND✦ Amethyst

"Um, I... I don't know why you need me, s-so... um... no, well, if you do need me, that's, w-well... just... just leave a message! I might, I might get... no, I will—"

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[shootyourshot]

Anytime-- oh.

[Well. He won't complain about the affection. He gives a bashful smile, and squeezes her finger in return.]

[persecutetioncomplex]

[She withdraws, gaze skittering away from his, and tries not to be too bashful.

She's already bright pink, but. She tries.]

So... S-So, um... on, uh, the lighter end of things, we... we haven't met for a book discussion lately! How, uh, how far have you gotten through yours?

[shootyourshot]

O-oh! Right. I guess it has been awhile, hasn't it? I've been so distracted recently...

But I am about I want to say maybe two-thirds of the way through? It gets so good, and it can be really funny too! I won't spoil anything, but it's so very witty. And there's a lot of good fighting in it too if you like action scenes.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I'm barely further than that myself. The—

[Her voice catches, but only just briefly, this time.]

The Bairnies, they, uh... they preferred me to read them picture books I made, mostly.

[shootyourshot]

[Gently, he brushes his fingers against her hand, smiling with encouragement.]

I bet they really liked that. Would you show me sometime? I bet they're charming.

[persecutetioncomplex]

...yes. I...

[Her fingers lace with his, and she smiles, wan but warm.]

I think that'll... it will help. To, um. To remember them, like that.

[Happy and enthralled, paging along with her.]

[shootyourshot]

I'd love to. Whenever you're ready to share them.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I'll... when we finish our current bookloads. I'll bring them then.

[There. A concrete goal.]

[shootyourshot]

Then it's a deal.

[Leaning over, Ashe gives her a peck on the forehead.]

[persecutetioncomplex]

[Now it's her turn to startle, pleased but surprised.]

...Deal. Um, if... if I can ask, did you have any...?

[shootyourshot]

Any of the bairns? Ah, yeah, a few of them. We cooked together and I played with them... I always knew I wanted to be a father one day, but this really just cemented it for me too. I could see where their other parent came from too if I looked hard enough. The biggest troublemaker probably came from Sylvain, but who's surprised to know that, huh?

When they told me they had to leave... I didn't realize how heartbroken I'd be. But I went with them to make sure they got to where they needed to go safely.

[persecutetioncomplex]

They... mine tried to stay. Until... until it started hurting them. It was...

[It was an awful goodbye. But she's never seen a good goodbye, either.]

I never... having children wasn't an option, for me. Not... something I thought a lot about. But. Um. But they... if I could, I'd... I'd want to now, I think.

[shootyourshot]

I like to think it's not a final good-bye. But even so... who's to say you don't have the choice now?

[Gently, he squeezes her hand.]

I think you'd be a really good mom.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I-I'd have to adopt. And, um, that's, I'd...

[And oh, oh, it's so stupid to put any worth in that, she knows. But for so long, her ability to bear children had been the one thing her father didn't snap at her over.

...but truthfully, there's another edge to it, here]

...I could disappear from here. Any... any time at all. I'd abandon them no matter what I w-wanted and... and, the natives here, you c-can't, you can't Sync with them, it does awful things, and, and I do it all the time, so... wh-what if I... if I forget, and—and—

[shootyourshot]

Bernadetta.

[He gently cups her cheek, to encourage her to look at him.]

We can figure something out, if it's really what you want to do. But you also don't have to make a decision right this second either. I guess just... toy with the idea?

I'm sure there's some kid out there who would be really lucky to have you. That's all I mean.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I... yeah.

[She knows things can't stay like this forever. But...]

I think, um. This is... probably the first time in a long time I had something long-term to look forward to. Or, uh, try to maybe think of getting ready for, I mean.

[shootyourshot]

That's wonderful, at least I think so. To maybe think about something like that, to have a goal.

Just know you have so many people ready to back you up if you need us. You aren't alone.

[persecutetioncomplex]

[She smiles, soft and a little wobbly at the edges.]

I-I know. Thank you, Ashe.

[shootyourshot]

[He kisses her forehead.]

Of course. Just let me know if I can do anything else.