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[persecutetioncomplex]

« bernie » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Bernadetta von Varley ✦ FE3H
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND✦ Amethyst

"Um, I... I don't know why you need me, s-so... um... no, well, if you do need me, that's, w-well... just... just leave a message! I might, I might get... no, I will—"

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[shootyourshot]

I know. And I really admire that about you. You really do a great job of personalizing things for people. I, um. I still use that bookmark you made. It means a lot to me.

[It isn't much, but Ashe does put together some cookies he'd made the other day and cuts up an apple. It's simple, light, but it should go well with the tea!]

[persecutetioncomplex]

Me too.

[She beams at him, cheeks heating slightly.]

That, um, the book exchange, I mean. Being, being able to do that with someone, and, and knowing you liked my writing, too, it... it means a lot to me. So, um. I-I wanted... to share that feeling.

[shootyourshot]

That's what I mean. You really are good at finding something that suits other people. It's like another language, almost. Able to share that feeling through something you made... I guess the closest I have is cooking.

So all I'm saying is that I'm sure you'll do something that everyone will really like.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I-I, well...

[Her face heats, and she fiddles with what he's given her.]

Um, I, I think... cooking is, well, just the same? It, uh, I mean, you eat the product rather than keeping it, but... you still work hard, to make people happy.

[shootyourshot]

I appreciate that. But, you know, it's... okay to be complimented too, Bernadetta.

[persecutetioncomplex]

Well, yes, I-I know that. But, uh, I just… un, maybe it’s a bit forward, but I don’t want you to feel like the compliment means you don’t compare? Because, you’re really wonderful too, Ashe. And, um. Sometimes it just feels like you forget that, a little bit.

[shootyourshot]

I didn't think much about it, but... I guess I just-- I don't quite see myself the way you do.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I definitely figured. You'd have a lot more confidence if you did, I think, but... well. We both know it's not that simple.

[shootyourshot]

Yeah. I guess not. It's not like I consider myself a bad person or something, but it's like... in a world of color, I'm just this gray thing.

Sorry. I don't know if that even makes any sense.

[persecutetioncomplex]

No, it... it, uh, makes a lot of sense. S-Sort of, at least? I... used to think of myself like a big unsightly blot, and everybody else is just... just this incredible and lovely, intricate tapestry I just... ruin.

[shootyourshot]

[Hearing that description does sadden him, knowing that once Bernadetta considered herself as such. He has the urge to speak out, but more ideally she does say used to. Which means he hopes she's finding her self-worth. She is a beautiful, skilled, and thoughtful person to Ashe.

But it does help she gets it, in her way.]

How do you see yourself now?

[persecutetioncomplex]

Oh, um...

[Her cheeks heat, and she knits her fingers together.]

B... better. I, uh, I know the people I care about value me, and, um, that... it... it helps, when the dark thoughts seep back in.

[And they always do, sooner or later. She's not sure they wouldn't even if her life was perfect.]

[shootyourshot]

It's difficult. But, um... I am glad you know that. Because I do think you're very special. I really do.

If you ever need, you can send me a message if you ever start feeling that way. If you want.

[persecutetioncomplex]

Um, if... I'll promise you that, if you promise me that.

[shootyourshot]

Ah? Oh, u-uh.

[well shit]

I'll try.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I'll try for you, if, if you... try for me. Okay?

[shootyourshot]

Okay. Just... understand for me I-- it isn't that I don't trust you. I just feel like I'm burdening someone if I even consider it. I guess I spent so long looking after my brother and sister that even thinking of doing anything for myself seemed like something I couldn't spare...

But I will try. That I promise.

[persecutetioncomplex]

No, I get it. I, uh, never had any siblings but... well.

It's easy for me to feel like a burden.

[He knows the reasons why.

Still, that aside, she lifts a hand, pinkie extended.]

Deal.

[shootyourshot]

I understand. Just know I never think of you that way.

[Gently, he hooks his pinkie to hers.]

All right. It's a promise.

[persecutetioncomplex]

...thank you, Ashe.

[Her finger squeezes his, and she leans in to press a kiss to his cheek, because hearing that and knowing, without a doubt, that he means it has her heart fit to burst with soft feelings.]

[shootyourshot]

Anytime-- oh.

[Well. He won't complain about the affection. He gives a bashful smile, and squeezes her finger in return.]

[persecutetioncomplex]

[She withdraws, gaze skittering away from his, and tries not to be too bashful.

She's already bright pink, but. She tries.]

So... S-So, um... on, uh, the lighter end of things, we... we haven't met for a book discussion lately! How, uh, how far have you gotten through yours?

[shootyourshot]

O-oh! Right. I guess it has been awhile, hasn't it? I've been so distracted recently...

But I am about I want to say maybe two-thirds of the way through? It gets so good, and it can be really funny too! I won't spoil anything, but it's so very witty. And there's a lot of good fighting in it too if you like action scenes.

[persecutetioncomplex]

I'm barely further than that myself. The—

[Her voice catches, but only just briefly, this time.]

The Bairnies, they, uh... they preferred me to read them picture books I made, mostly.

[shootyourshot]

[Gently, he brushes his fingers against her hand, smiling with encouragement.]

I bet they really liked that. Would you show me sometime? I bet they're charming.