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« bernie » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Bernadetta von Varley ✦ FE3H
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND✦ Amethyst

"Um, I... I don't know why you need me, s-so... um... no, well, if you do need me, that's, w-well... just... just leave a message! I might, I might get... no, I will—"

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I hope so.

[She sucks in a stuttering breath that's wet around the edges, but...

She manages not to cry, today. The pain recedes, bit by bit, leaving tender and slowly strengthening gratitude in its wake.]

I... I really hope so. I'm... I'm sure yours certainly will, for, um. For what it's worth.

I appreciate your confidence. I'm also pretty sure that yours will have learned how much you care, too. Knowing that can help them grow, I'm sure of it.

[Ashe brushes some of her hair back to tuck behind an ear.]

It's okay to miss them, too. It's okay to hurt. But wherever they are now, they'll remember you too.

...that means a lot.

[To be remembered.]

Thank you, Ashe. I... I needed this.

You're welcome. I want to be here for you.

[He's glad he decided to reach out to her. It won't make the pain go away, but it should certainly help.]

Would you like to come inside? I can make some tea for us.

I'm... so, so glad you are.

[His Bernadetta is a lot luckier than she realizes, she thinks yet again.]

And, um, yes please.

[It makes him blush to hear that, but he smiles at her.]

Of course. Please, come in. I know the others don't mind if you come by.

[As far as he knows, everyone thinks pretty well of her.]

Are you hungry at all?

I should’ve brought something over, as a housewarming gift, sorry.

[She smiles back, this effort a little more successful than the last.]

Oh, um... I-I could eat, I suppose.

You don't have to worry about something like that. Besides, it's never too late, and we'd all be happy to see you.

[The kitchen inside of the manor makes him think of Garreg Mach, honestly. Oh, the tools are still mostly like the technology here, but the feeling and aesthetic of it feel more like home. Stone and brick surrounding the ovens, the sink basin, and all the woodwork -- Ashe enjoyed his apartment, but this makes his heart feel so warm.]

How about just a snack then? [He says, as he gets a kettle ready.]

I know I don't have to. But I, well... I-I like it. Making things for people, rather than just to while the hours away alone.

[It is comforting. The monastery had been the first place she could really go, aside from the family estate. It will always be special for that.]

A snack sounds perfect.

I know. And I really admire that about you. You really do a great job of personalizing things for people. I, um. I still use that bookmark you made. It means a lot to me.

[It isn't much, but Ashe does put together some cookies he'd made the other day and cuts up an apple. It's simple, light, but it should go well with the tea!]

Me too.

[She beams at him, cheeks heating slightly.]

That, um, the book exchange, I mean. Being, being able to do that with someone, and, and knowing you liked my writing, too, it... it means a lot to me. So, um. I-I wanted... to share that feeling.

That's what I mean. You really are good at finding something that suits other people. It's like another language, almost. Able to share that feeling through something you made... I guess the closest I have is cooking.

So all I'm saying is that I'm sure you'll do something that everyone will really like.

I-I, well...

[Her face heats, and she fiddles with what he's given her.]

Um, I, I think... cooking is, well, just the same? It, uh, I mean, you eat the product rather than keeping it, but... you still work hard, to make people happy.

I appreciate that. But, you know, it's... okay to be complimented too, Bernadetta.

Well, yes, I-I know that. But, uh, I just… un, maybe it’s a bit forward, but I don’t want you to feel like the compliment means you don’t compare? Because, you’re really wonderful too, Ashe. And, um. Sometimes it just feels like you forget that, a little bit.

I didn't think much about it, but... I guess I just-- I don't quite see myself the way you do.

I definitely figured. You'd have a lot more confidence if you did, I think, but... well. We both know it's not that simple.

Yeah. I guess not. It's not like I consider myself a bad person or something, but it's like... in a world of color, I'm just this gray thing.

Sorry. I don't know if that even makes any sense.

No, it... it, uh, makes a lot of sense. S-Sort of, at least? I... used to think of myself like a big unsightly blot, and everybody else is just... just this incredible and lovely, intricate tapestry I just... ruin.

[Hearing that description does sadden him, knowing that once Bernadetta considered herself as such. He has the urge to speak out, but more ideally she does say used to. Which means he hopes she's finding her self-worth. She is a beautiful, skilled, and thoughtful person to Ashe.

But it does help she gets it, in her way.]

How do you see yourself now?

Oh, um...

[Her cheeks heat, and she knits her fingers together.]

B... better. I, uh, I know the people I care about value me, and, um, that... it... it helps, when the dark thoughts seep back in.

[And they always do, sooner or later. She's not sure they wouldn't even if her life was perfect.]

It's difficult. But, um... I am glad you know that. Because I do think you're very special. I really do.

If you ever need, you can send me a message if you ever start feeling that way. If you want.

Um, if... I'll promise you that, if you promise me that.

Ah? Oh, u-uh.

[well shit]

I'll try.

I'll try for you, if, if you... try for me. Okay?

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